[16+] Fallout: Equestria - Crimson Tide

[Red_Eye_PL/USA]

Już DOSTALIŚMY wcześniej odpowiedź Samirze.....

[Samir_Duran]

Ale to napisałeś po mojej odpowiedzi więc myślałem że nie czytałeś moic odpowiedzi w komentarzach ^_-

[Red_Eye_PL/USA]

prosimy o pisanie w naszym przypadku w liczbie mnogiej, ten tekst z naszej strony czyta więcej niż jedna osoba/postać....

[Samir_Duran]

okej!

[Red_Eye_PL/USA]

+rep dla Samira!

[Mavka]

It was very big chapter, really unexpected storyline and how did you use "wyparte wspomnienia" to totally change the beginning of the book - 10/10! I'm deeply distressed for Sparkplug's mental problems, but I want to read this story more. Will wait for meeting with new characters in the "Year one": April Moon and Baraka. It's a pity that White Veil left their team.

[Samir_Duran]

Don't Worry Mavka, Veil has her part in the story. I usually don't discard characters and they all have their roles in the metaverse. You can also expect new appearances of people like Askari, Guildenstern, the Monster and many others.


As usual, I would like to ask you: what were the highlights for you? Which parts did you love and what were the parts you disliked in the chapter?

[Mavka]

First of all I have to say that I'm not fluent in Polish, so I can misunderstand feelings or some important details of characters conversation. Przepraszam. I'm not a book critic too.

1. The funny "big generator" song is funny ^.^ It's what I expect to find in the Wasteland. I saw ElMutanto's art, so the "Eteryczne Szpony" were expected. But it's very amusing that she still hates Frosty's claws: "Nie cierpię tych jego palców."
   
2. The discussion in the Gallant's flat was too short. I think, Sparplug should be more persevering and say more words to protect her plan.
   The next sentence sounds very cute: "Gallant? Hrmpf! – prychnęłam wciąż nieco zła."
   
3. The part about the "król Stalliongradu" is ambiguous... It's very unlikely to meet a king on the street, so I had bad expectations. But this sentence changed my opinion: "Mogłam poczuć się choć trochę jak matka." I'm still not sure is it good or bad story plot, but Sparkplug's feelings are interesting. Here is the first flashbacks "Pobłażliwy śmiech Coldbrew...", Sparkplug was not so lucky as she thought in the first chapter: "Pomyślałby kto, że moje życie może być tak udane." I think mysterious "epidemia" will be used in a future chapter.
   
4. The way she study a spell "Pajęczy Chód" is not fair... It seems the author gives a special ability to the protagonist to fit him into the story plot. "Pajęczy Chód" is not a popular spell (I don't remember anypony uses it before), so I need an explanation why ghoul-mechanic knows it. May be you can describe Sun Beam's life more: she lived in caves or she was a fire guard and had to climb on buildings. Other mechanic spell "Manipulator Mentalny" doesn't have this problem. On the other hand, Sparkplug used the spell during the "walka na poduszki" and it was an adorable scene. Also, the author doesn't use that spell as a "deus ex machina" and it is good.
   
5. The infiltration onto the "obóz Przypływu" was interesting. I knew that her plan wouldn't be successful (an epigraph strongly hints unraveling of the chapter), but it was really UNEXPECTED! All these flashbacks and Cold's behavior was so frightening and chilling. It's a very good course of history, a way to give a new meaning to the first chapters. The strongest part and the best finish of the book.
   

[Samir_Duran]

Thank you <3 I will try to explain some of those things:

1. About the Eteric Claws, it was more a spell she created to best him or show him that he is not better than her. A matter of self esteem here, especially since Frosty not only became a friend, but also a very mild rival with all the teasing he gave her. In contrast to her older friends, he didn't really expect anything of her, like Gallant who tried to mentor her and to that end put her in the leadership position. That's why she thinks the spell and fingers are useful, but she hates them as they were the source to spark her pride.

2. You may be right, the scene was too short. I tried to signify how a disonance came between her and her friends which at first came to be in Trottingham. Sparkplug at this point is still not the leader she was supposed to be, plus, her friends took away the authority they gave her before they reached Stalliongrad. This, with her still immature personality coupled into an outburst.

3. The meeting with the young King was supposed to drive the plot and explain, ambiguosly, why the result of Sparkplug's and Frosty's infiltration made sense in military terms. As you could see, Aquila Bear was less than likely to hear them out, and the Captain was there to listen to them, urged by the King to keep close tabs on the you peachy unicorn. Karma goes around and her goodness was rewarded. As for the epidemic, it was mentioned between the verses what causes it. To be sure: I don't include many meaningless things in this story. If something happens it's either a Wild Wasteland thing (which happens really rarily) or will have an impact on the future story.

The only thing that kinda got derailed for now, was the First Banished One journal which Sparkplug read and which was gifted to her by White Sabre. I plan to include it further, as it serves to build up the world of the Southern Wasteland, but for now it wasn't crucial to the story yet.

4. Maybe it isn't that fair, sure. But the Spider Walk spell isn't common for sure. It is a spell that one of the raiders on a train in the first chapters of the original Fallout Equestria used to run on the outside wall of a train to ambush Littlepip. I really liked the spell and the tactical advantage it gave to the user as well as it's stealth capabilities and I wanted to include it in the story. Sun Beam has a more or less unspecified backstory in the tale, but adhesive spells are supposed to her specialities, hence the mental manipulator and the spider walk.

Signature spells are things I find the most interesting in unicorn magic, as they are the most uncommon and defined, yet not unable to be learned by others as shown by Twilight Sparkle when in the show she leanrt Rarity's signature spell, or by Rarity in the story, when she learned Twilights Teleportation spell. Sparkplug has her eteric claws as her signature spell, Sunbeam has her Mental Manipulator one, April Moon will have a See-me-not Cloak spell, Doctor Killerdose has an X-Ray spell which is an evolution of a flashlight spell used by security guards, Many Verges has a Ricochet Trajectory spell which let's him manipulate his projectiles by the way they richochet (which was used by him to scare off the monster). The spells themselves should be useful and utilitarian, somewhat a necessity in the line of work and expertise of a pony, but I wanted to not use them as something of a deus ex machina as you called it, but more like a strategic and usefull asset. And I'm glad I've pulled it off this way <3

5. Nothing to add here. The idea of the world not being what you saw and remembered was inspired by he polish game "Afterfall: InSanity" which wasn't really a great game, but had a really good and nice post-apocalyptic and fallout-esque story (they even had their own, giant vaults with big front doors) as is the main character's affliction with direct sunlight being a trigger for hallucinations. Check it if you want to learn more about it, it was a very big inspiration for the story.

[Mavka]

How could I forget about Littlepip's battle on train.